First Draft Done!

I happily emailed the first draft of my thesis to my advisor today. I don't know what to do with myself!

...but, I did treat myself by going to see "Thor," so were I to meet Chris Helmsworth, I'd know what to do with him!!

Equal Time for Dryads

A Peppy Little Sonnet About the Snow

A day full of promise, hope, and new-fallen snow

I snap into my bindings, and downhill I go

Cruising down the mountain, music in my ears

Right there in my element, outrunning my fears

From a path out of site, comes a skier behind

Think I'll ride down beside him. Don't think he will mind

For a day or forever, our paths curved as one

Cutting, each complimenting as the other one spun

But the skier, his interest, it dwindled a bit

From his inattention -a crash, and from it my board split

So I sit in the snow on this beautiful day

But my riding partner is skiing away

My source of locomotion is gone now, kaput

And which pain is the greater, my heart or my foot?

Paging Sparky

If you're out there, and you read this. Please email: phoenixlove137@gmail.com

"Writing Again" From Seanan McGuire's Cover of We're About 9

I just wanted to leave you this

One last note in your window
Before you disappear
I wanted to concatenate

The paper with the pen
With the hand that you left here
I wanted to show you
That I'm still breathing
I wanted to show you
My fingers still bend
I wanted to thank you for giving me something
To be all bitter about
It's good to be writing again

And I didn't want to wallow
So I'm writing a peppy
Little sonnet about the snow
And I think you would like it
And I guess that's what I really miss

And there's something bothering me
What I wanted to say is

Oops, I didn't mean to get all heavy
I mean, really, I am doing just fine
When I look at your picture
You are foreign to me
You are practically out of my mind
And this is the season, I thought, for all summer
And this is the reason I emptied my mind
On to pieces of paper that don't hold the answers
Just clear-headed questions
And the memories
Of warmer times

And I've sworn off of lovers
But I've adopted a cat
With paws the color of snow
And I think you would like her
And I guess that's what I really miss

And there's something bothering me
What I wanted to say is

So, here it goes this is my letter
To tell you the truth, I can't tell if I'm better
I've been thinking about the way most
Things are difficult to open and easier to close

But closure isn't something hat you get with a person
It's a plan interrupted by snow
Or a division of property

I gain that. You gain this.

And there's something bothering me
What I wanted to say is

I wanted to tell you
That I'm still
Breathing
I wanted to show you
My fingers
Still bend
I wanted to thank you
For giving me something
To be all bitter about
It's good to be writing again
It's good to be writing again

A New Decade

I find myself comtemplating what works for me, and what doesn't. I seem to view my life through the lens of Romantic Comedies...the good ones, anyway. I'm in some version of "Sweet Home Alabama," where I've left my roots and Southern friends, and now, I've come back to the South, only to be bitchy and disrespectful to the folks here. Of course, that ignores the fact that, here, I'm surrounded by bigots and selfish voters who care more for their own pocket change than for the lives of their fellows.

The future that I long for is direct from "The Family Stone," a holiday surrounded by children and grandchildren, with all that entails. That dream ignores the expense of Massachusetts living and the greater expense of having children.

The middle of the story is missing, but one thing is certain to me. It's not here. I'll be leaving South Carolina this summer. The path is set. Time to get ready for it!

In my 40th year, I've realized what I want, what I need, and what I can't accept. Now, I begin learning what I must do to find what I can accept.

Triage

I've found that a state of living in the new world is a feeling that something is bleeding from me...Sometimes it's energy...Sometimes time. I've been scrambling, trying to make it to the metaphorical ER, where I can have the wounds closed, but that's a long trip. I'm out in the field here, and I believe that I've just realized that I need some triage, to keep me going until I can reach the field hospital.

Anyone else feel similar?

Moved

Yesterday, a friend from grad school emailed me. It seems that she'd been moved by my writing on this site. I have to say that I was moved by her positive response. I intend to make a concerted effort to post more often.

One Day I'll Fly Away...

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin
To live again?

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your Love do for me?
When will Love be through with me?

Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends...

Will Jennings

When In Rome

When in Rome,

I'll do as the Romans do.

But then, in any city,

I'll think of you.

Your dirt.

Your smell.

The bitter cold.

Radiating heat.

Art so profound as to make you weep.

Neither cheap nor easy,

Yet one of the best things in life.

The dream of millions,

You draw them all,

Chew some up, and spit them out.

Others of us

You never let go.

When Time It Stands Still...

When the things that need to be done outnumber the minutes in a day,

When the folks who've helped you in the past fade away,

When the sense of the possible isn't there,

When it's become a chore even to care,

When time, it stands still about you,

And loneliness makes your heart ache.

When dreams cause you nothing but pain,

And the lack just makes your heart break.

The youth of your face is a lie.

Yet your wisdom will not tell you why.

The ease of the past, it is gone,

And you feel yourself cast as a pawn.

When time, it stands still about you,

You ponder the now and the then.

Painful future, uncertain now,

But...Oh, to feel where you have been...

Each day facing the brutal banality,

Stuck there in sentimentality,

Within you courage to decide,

Live life or just simply abide?

When time, it stands still about you,

Each day of'ring only the same.

Gather spice and wood for your nest,

Find salvation again in the flame.

Day 50 of the Spill in My Heart

This is the largest disaster that I've ever experienced. The financial burden is considerable. I'm shuffling money around,trying to organize the cleanup. It's tough, but I'm making it happen. The tried and true industries of the past are out of commission. Innovation seems to be keeping the area alive, but alive isn't living. The folks battling the leak are a continual source of strength. Amongst the tragedy exist the odd moments of unexpected joy. They are priceless.

The hole in my heart, like the leak in The Gulf seems to resist all efforts to plug the leak. Sadly, as in BP's leak, the spew went almost unnoticed and unaddressed for too long at the beginning. When the dangers of the problem became apparent, I, like Obama, BP, and Republicans did a lot of anxious whirling. Sadly, nothing seemed to help. My tension rose, like that of the US. As vacationers flocked to new spots not on The Gulf of Mexico, I went to new places. While some were interesting. they hold no candle to where I was before.

My brain, the "CEO" which got me into this situation, is suspect. The trouble is, that he's saying that he'd "like his life back," and, that's the truth. Unfortunately, there's a #$@%ing hole in my heart and no machinery imaginable to plug it up. Capping that difficulty, the damage from the leak has damaged the fragile environment of my precious world. How can I repair that?

Buy These Now!

Many of you have heard me rave about Heather Alexander's albums. Lately, you've heard me talk about Alexander James Adams, Tricky Pixie, and S.J. (Sooj) Tucker. THEY ALL ROCK! (in common parlance)

I was on Youtube, listening to these artists, as well as Seanan McGuire. They currently take up much of my Ipod time. I went to Seanan's website ( www.seananmcguire.com ) and was lookinge over the songs of her 4 albums...longing to be able to order the fourth...The first three were offered from a run of 1,000.

...

Folks, I've gotten untold hours of enjoyment out of these CDs. I LOVE them...adore them...and I paid not a single dime for them.

Tricky Pixie was playing for the release party of Seanan's second book. I went to see TP...I bought Seanan's books as a "thank you" for her providing TP for me. What I'd really hoped for that night was the chance to buy one of her CDs, because I'd heard her name in the Filk community. The raffle ticket that I got for buying the book WON ME ALL THREE OF HER CDS! (Maybe I shouldn't use all caps there...I hadn't heard them yet. I'd only have purchased one, probably....But I F**%&&% LVE THEM!)

I had no idea what I'd found...until the last music of the evening..."Wicked Girls Saving Ourselve," when Seanan got up and sang...

At some point, my tongue hit the ground, and I forgot that I'm a gay man. I fell head over heels for her. Later, when I actually read her books, I began planning to barter for eggs, so that I can pass that brilliance on to my offspring. But you don't need to go that far. Just know that "Wicked Girls" has a print run of 1000 copies. Be worried that I have many friends.

Order yours NOW!

This Man is Incredible...May the right eyes see this.

A Call in the Darkness....

When things get too dark to see, it helps to listen. Well, this is me, listening. I listened to Fae Hollow and to the winds of change. A big change is needed. Kore and I can not do this alone. So I am calling out in the darkness and listening for an answer..........

Let me put it succinctly.........

Since the rescue of Fae Hollow with all of your loving, gracious help, Kore and I have fought, and fought but to no avail. No amount of penny pinching, going without, or borrowing from friends will get us out of what essentially is a sub prime loan that is above our financial ability to conquer in this current economy.

We thought we could negotiate for more time. We were wrong. On July 9^th, 2010, Fae Hollow goes up for auction by the foreclosing loan agent. We need $30,000 by July 1^st to stop this from happening. This is beyond our means to borrow. What we need is not a rescue but an investment partner. We need to secure the money necessary to stop the auction and someone of good credit who can co-sign or out right buy Fae Hollow in order to put mortgage payments into an affordable perspective.

What we offer in return is part ownership of 30+ acres of magical land. Fae Hollow has an incredible power of magic and healing and we want to protect that. It has always been a wish of ours to share this power with others in the form of workshops and week-end long events but we have never even gotten the mortgage under control, let alone set up the provisions necessary for this to happen.

I had hoped if we worked hard enough we could do this by ourselves. My emergence from the land of Fae has since then taught me some hard realities to the contrary.

We do not want to lose this place of music and magic. We are open to serious business propositions or ideas that could make this happen.

We have a potential plan that could start working as early as late July or August involving the workshops if we could just stop the foreclosure sale.

I’m sorry this comes at such late notice. As I said, we were trying to do this alone, and having imposed on the Heatherlands once, and personal friends more than that, we felt that we needed to do this ourselves. Against our best efforts, it has not worked out that way.

So, as we approach the longest day of the year, I bow my head and pray that the light of the Solstice will illuminate a way to allow Kore and I and now some others to steward this magical land for the enjoyment and healing of all.

Thus I call into the Darkness and listen...................

Please do not respond to this message. Contact us directly at celticougarnw@aol.com or call the Sea Fire phone line at 503.866.2988.

With love & blessings to you all,

aja

The Blog's Back!

I'm returning to you, my pretties!

Family Visit, Take III

My niece and my fiance.

Family Visit, Take II

My niece and I.

Family Visit, Take I

My mom and niece.

I'm Engaged!!!!